He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize