Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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