Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
