i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
