Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
