Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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