Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
