if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
