All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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