I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need water and some morals
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
