that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
