im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
