Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
