I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
