Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
