you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
