I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
