This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
