worst night to have a conscience
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
