Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize