were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
