I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
