The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
