i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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