Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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