If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
