Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
