his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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