Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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