How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize