Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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