Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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