Heybabeimwearingurpanties
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
