i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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