well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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