My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
