I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
