I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize