his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
