Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
