She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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