wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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