i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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