I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
