..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
