we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
