The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
