ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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