yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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