I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Randomize