Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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