I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
