I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
