I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
