You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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