Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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