I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
