fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
