Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
