I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
