think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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