I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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