my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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