On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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