Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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