He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
