I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
do herpes really smell.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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