he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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