He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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