I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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