so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's official drugs can't kill me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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